What would it be like to grieve without peace. What would it be like to mourn the loss of a loved one and not know if you believe in heaven or hell or anything? What would that be like?
I have no idea, and I’m glad I have no idea. I have this odd thing where I am crying, bent over the empty hospital bed and weeping, and at the exact same moment praising my God and thanking Him for the beautiful live well lived of the man who is gone, the man I call dad.
My prayers, my mumblings, are like this “I love you daddy. I love you so much. I’m so glad you are at peace now. I’m so glad you are in heaven. You stayed on the path, you walked it true, you never veered to the right or to the left. You daddy, my sweet sweet daddy, are a good and faithful servant of our Father God. You waited for the grandkids to come see you. You waited for mom to crawl in bed with you. You waited to hear “it’s okay to go”. You waited long enough and now you are in glory. Father God, I praise you for coming to my earthly father all those years ago and for drawing him to you. Thank you Jesus for loving my daddy so much even when he was a foul mouth, middle finger flipping teen. Thank you for seeing all that YOU had put in him and for not relinquishing him to this world. Thank you for pursuing him and my mom, for later pursuing me. Thank you Father for loving my daddy so well and teaching him how to love us so well. I’m so SO SO glad he’s with you now. I’m jealous. I long hard to be with you. I will one day be with you. This I am certain, I know I have eternal life. Lord thank you for my daddy, for your love, for your gift of salvation in your person Jesus, for loving us all while we were filthy cussing, middle finger flipping fools. Tell daddy I’m going to be okay. I’m going to take care of Momma and we will see him again. ” Amen and Amen