the brother–rachel’s rant

Standard

“When do I get to be selfish Ron? When do I get to run off and get my nails done and go shopping by myself and sit for hours writing my thoughts out and daydreaming all in the name of “writers block”? When do I get to be free? I work and I enjoy it, I really do, but I do it day after day, and I get very little thanks from anyone that doesn’t lay their head down in this house. You and Lily and momma, you all say thanks, you all give me kisses and pats and I see it, I notice it and I’m thankful that you’re thankful *laughs at self* but I just want them to say thanks, I want them to see what it is I go through, what it is I am doing to take care of their business, and how it is not my job, but I do it anyway. Why? Because I’m the good girl Ron, I’m the good girl and I do it because it’s the right thing to do and I do it because it honors God. That’s what I tell myself day after day. That and the simple fact that my reward is in heaven. My thanks is in heaven. But really, when do I get to be selfish?”
Ron pats Rachel’s feet, she’s sitting up in bed, folding laundry slowly as she says all this, he is at the other end, patting her feet after he’s just taken off his boots. You can see he is tired too. He is dirty from just another long day of farming and needs not just a shower, but a full body scrub down. He has stopped and has listened to her and let her vent. His eyes show true empathy, he wishes more than anything that Rachel didn’t have all this on her shoulders, that she could only have their Lily to raise, but as it is, she is raising, virtually, five kids, all because her brother John and his wife and their all too busy, selfish and otherwise disengaged lives. He tells her “Rachel, I don’t know when you’ll ever get to be selfish, I guess maybe never. I know that’s not what you want to hear. What I pray is that John and Nikki see how selfish they’ve truly been. To keep having these kids, these precious kids, but never having any intention of doing anything with them. It breaks my heart. And the kids put on a strong front, but how is that going to affect them in the long run? only time will tell.”

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